Currently Listening Neon Bible By Arcade Fire neon bible see related

a dream had on the morning of friday the first of june.

this dream is noteworthy because it is one of the first to include people i actually know fairly well.  i generally dream about people i have only seen or briefly met or dont know at all.

margaret, drew, tim and i are waiting in line to go diving in a river.  diving in this river is actually riding a long conveyor belt that dips under the water to the other side and then riding it back.  the conveyor belt is covered in lockets and paperweights and jewelry and small boxes and little odds and ends.  everything is old and a little bit valuable.  we get to the head of the line and start riding the conveyor belt and as we go along we grab anything we can hold from the trinkets on the belt.  when we finish riding there is a girl with short blonde hair who hands us each a paper lunch sack in which to put whatever we had managed to keep.  when tim says that he knows she isnt married to james anymore but he wishes that  james were there and she starts to cry, at which point tim and the girl (his sister) hug.  the entire dream was gray and heavy, like a rainy day where you can feel the coming storm pressing down on you.

a few days later i had one about two people who were getting married, but the ceremony took place around a very expensive looking indoor pool.  the ceremony also involved the bride and groom swimming to find each other and exchanging necklaces instead of rings.  there was also some significance to the groom calling the bride his ashtray.  not sure what the significance was though.  the coolest part about that dream was that i saw the whole thing from an aerial view.  i didnt recognize anyone involved though, so i guess im back to dreams about people i have never met. 

Currently Listening Rather Ripped By Sonic Youth or see related

i remember when this was a ritual.  nearly every event of my high schooling is recorded in this place or the place or my little black bound book.

tonight was beautiful.  when you havent been to a concert in a little while, you forget how numbing they are.  maybe numbing doesnt make sense but it perfectly describes whatever i feel when listening to live music.  well not exactly.  it explains part but not all.  i dont really need to explain though, so i will stop attempting.

that high schooling i mentioned above.   its almost over.  i used to be frightened of the end.  not anymore though.  thats a step forward.  finally.

Currently Listening Porgy and Bess By Miles Davis, Gil Evans see related

why must studios be closed on sunday?

i (young girl) will always fail to be more than that one was.  but i have one advantage. i am here.  that one is not.  or that one has one advantage.  absence lends it self to idolizing and over-romanticizing.  presence does not.  decisive thinking on my part only tends to make me less apt to take what i had decided i wanted.  but i will settle.  or rather i wont.  at least not until i am sure of just how big that common area may be.

Currently Reading In Search of Lost Time, Vol. II: Within a Budding Grove (Modern Library Classics) By Marcel Proust, D.J. Enright see related

i had to visit my great grandmother in the hospital today.  she's suffering from some unknown illness.  maybe cancer. maybe a heart problem.  maybe something else.  it really doesnt matter.  i think she will die soon.  i know ive said this before but it hasnt really changed.  she should die soon anyway.  im not saying that because i hate my great grandmother (though in truth she isnt my favourite relative).  but shes already buried three husbands.  and seventeen years is a long time for someone to be a great grandmother.  last summer my grandfather had a scare and nearly died.  once your children are old enough for death, you surely are.  shes old.  end of story.  and old people die.  its not depressing.  thats just how it is. 

for the first time in about a month i worked on a piece after ballet.  im about a third done and seriously wondering how i will ever finish it.  it seems so long.  but i started moving to new music and im excited about the piece im formulating in my head.  different than my other stuff.  it has a sort of balletic butoh feel that i like.  and its completely different than what i envisioned when i first listened to the music.  but it fits.  partly because the song is from the requiem for a dream soundtrack so the subtle contortions fit with that story. i need to finish everything i am working on and find some way to show it.  though dancing when i can see the audiences' faces is strange, its such a waste to work on these pieces and never perform them.  next project: find someway to do my own concert.